Have you ever found yourself reading an article and realized that a word or two just seemed insanely out of place? And that if another more obvious word were substituted, the sentence would make perfect sense? Why didn’t the author use the correct wording? You may have been the victim of an article spin fail:

a SEO tactic whereby numerous unique versions of an original article are automatically generated by searching and replacing keywords and phrases, but that does not make sense to the human eye.

If you’re like me, you probably don’t read as much as you’d like. Call me prejudiced, but when I read, I like to read works that are written by humans. I won’t call out the source, but I stumbled the above phrase while strolling through a neighbor’s content farm. Do you think the above was written by a human? Someone or something totally missed the point.

Notice the first sentence in the bullet point. Note the capitalization. How should the sentence have read?

Shh… It’s 4:59 pm. Friday. The sushi lunch buffet has faded.  The weather looks promising for the weekend, a slight breeze judging by the swaying trees and fluttering of leaves outside. The person patiently waiting at home seems farther away than the very last row in your spread sheet. I can feel something about to happen.

The exits have been effectively sealed by the paid search team. Attempt to leave on time and they look up from their computer monitors.

“Ah, leaving early? Must be nice to be caught up,” inferring that SEO must be easy.

So, you remain at your desk and try to finish the day’s tasks as fast as you can. Today could be the day you leave the office on time. Then…

“I know you’re busy–”

You look up.

“But I need…”

Have a look at some examples of the 5 O’Clock SEO request taken from real life experiences

• Can you do a site analysis for ___ .com? Just run it through your template. It shouldn’t take long.
• Would you mind whipping up some quick keyword research on ___? I just need ___ words. It should be easy.
• I just need you to put together a quick rankings report showing how ___ stacks up against ___.
• Accounting received a check. What’s it for?
• Can you turn in the paperwork for that software? It’s late. I think you purchased it last Friday, late afternoon.
• How about giving me a lift to the Paid Search happy hour? Oh, you’re welcome to tag along, of course.
• Can you write up a quick link building proposal for ___?
• Did you enter your work hours on your time sheet?
• Do you know what’s wrong with this printer? You used it last, right?
• My cousin has a little Web site that he’s trying to get to rank for…
• I found some great domains that we need to register.

Who Issues Friday 5 O’Clock SEO Requests?

• Account Services – client deliverables
• Senior managment – most commonly, a request to buy a domain–usually fairly quick, even considering the paperwork, unless it’s a premium domain.
• Director of Sales – usually a new business proposal
• Interns - signing time sheets, questions
• Accounting – random paperwork

So you’re sitting there feeling safe last week at 4:59 and the president eases your office door open and looks in. You brace yourself during the silence. Here comes a classic 5 O’Clock SEO Request. Then he says:

“Going out for drinks with us?”

1. Today is George Fischer‘s birthday!
2. He’s a nice guy and will probably link back to you.
3. Help George rank for his name in Google instead of a piping manufacturer with obscene numbers of backlinks.
4. Get SEO tips from a blogger who regularly tests ideas and pushes the limits to find answers.
5. Another excuse to get the text ”SEO” on your SEO Blog.
6. You’ll get a new Twitter friend.
7. SEO Lair (www.seolair.com) is an up and coming blog – get to know George before he becomes an inaccessable A-Lister!
8. If you’re a beginner SEO, ask George that question that’s been bugging you and I bet you’ll get the answer you need.
9. He’s a SEO Manager at a top search engine marketing agency: Response Mine Interactive.

George Fischer sketch courtesy of Brendan Alberts

It is not the job of search engine optimization to make a pig fly. It is the job of the SEO to genetically reengineer the Web site so that it becomes an eagle. — Bruce Clay

SEO is only not seen as rocket science BY THOSE WHO ALREADY KNOW IT. — Danny Sullivan, Search Engine Land

SEO’s are the new real estate developers. Our skillset gives us an amazing opportunity to develop an audience on the cheap. — Brian Provost, Scoreboard Media

You can chase whatever keywords and phrases you like, but at the end of the day it’s all about those conversions. –Matt Webb, SEO Honolulu

My rule of thumb is build a site for a user not a spider. — Dave Naylor, DavidNaylor.co.uk (DaveN)

SEO is a noun, verb, and adjective. — Todd Malicoat, Stuntdubl

SEO is fundamentally a set of methodologies that make it easier for search engines to find, include, categorize and rank your web content. — Lee Odden, Online Marketing Blog

Google only loves you when everyone else loves you first. — Wendy Piersall, ProBlogger guest post

SEO is not SPAM. — Matt Cutts

1. It’s 2009. The algorithmic loopholes of SEO are disappearing. No matter how hard you promote a site, you cannot make Google think its great if it ain’t. The lipstick eventually wears off and you face the pig of reality. You have probably read about all the “blackhat SEO’s” who have come clean over the years. Google is pushing everyone toward quality, even the paid search crowd (you know, the people who look at you funny in the elevator and ask “What is it you do again, now, something specialized right?”).
2. The methods for making pages perform well in search engines today are very different from what they were in the 1990′s. The size of search engine indices has increased. More competition. Well, it’s, um… harder.
3. What’s the point in doing anything if you don’t do it with excellence? Whether its Seth Godin’s purple cow or your own infared woolly mammoth, you’ll feel better if you create something that no one else has done before. Colossians 3:23 (Amplified Bible) sums up my feelings as a Christian on this point:
   

   Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men,

My SEO New Year’s Resolution:

I resolve to publish extraordinary content.

There must be no “I better post something just to let them know I’m still alive” content. Whatever content goes up on Clickfire, whether written by me or any guest author, must be excellent, high quality and engaging.

What are some properties of extraordinary content?

• The content needs to help someone solve a problem, be remarkably interesting or significantly entertaining to visitors.
• The voice and copy should be unique. Extraordinary content doesn’t echo.
• Every post is developed around a group of researched primary and secondary keywords.

It’s not 2009 yet, so this post doesn’t count :)

The Problem

SEO industry professionals have lost the will to link to each other. They are hoarding valuable PageRank capital. Unless action is taken to free up links, firms are expected to report losses in search engine rankings.

The Solution

Congress must act to pass SEO bailout legislation with these components:

• 700 link rescue plan for failed search engine strategies
• Fresh infusion of links from .gov domains
• Buyout of defunct Web directories

This SEO bailout must go into effect immediately. Otherwise, search engine marketing firms could risk going belly up. Once the bill has passed, the president must appoint a SEO Czar.

Arguments Against

How will Americans react to the idea of creating a link pool to help an industry that engaged in risky linking practices? Is the U.S. government manufacturing of PageRank essentially the same as printing currency?

What you can do to Help

Help secure the future of search engine marketing by writing your congressman and demanding that the SEO bailout legislation be passed without delay.

Other SEO’s who are running for president.

• Bill Hartzer
• David Temple
• Melissa Fach
• Jaan Kanellis
• Michael Gray

Assuming you’re not Amish, you’ve probably noticed that the world has gone and gotten itself into one big hurry these days (yes, that’s an homage to Stephen King’s The Shawshank Redemption, and yes, I have nothing but respect for the Amish – though I doubt any will read this). Why spend precious time saying “by the way, I’m rolling on the floor laughing and I can’t get up” when you can say BTWIROTFLAICGU? So it goes (yes, that’s Kurt Vonnegut) – the long, slow accretion of civilized language almost instantly devolves into acronym soup. Or evolves, depending on your taste. Problem is, acronyms don’t always go before the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office (USPTO) before use, so they can stand for whatever anyone says they stand for. Take SEO, for example – it means these things, too:

1. Software Executive Official – This is the kind of title they make up and give you in lieu of an actual pay raise.
2. Survivability Enhancement Options – Helmets? Seatbelts? Earplugs for Neil Diamond concerts? (Really, couldn’t they find anyone better this season for an Idol mentor? I would have much preferred Neil Young.)
3. Synthetic Engine Oil – From what I hear, this is actually a good thing, especially when Wired just predicted $7 per gallon gas coming up.
4. Symbol-Error Outage – Is this when a power plant operator confuses “O” and “I”?
5. Site Enhancing Oils – Why bother with a web designer or SEO when you can just pick up a bottle of Formby’s Site Enhancing Oil (with bonus foam applicator) at Home Depot?

Five alternate meanings for SEO and here are more courtesy of The Free Dictionary:

• Science and Education Outreach
• Seasoned Equity Offering
• Security Engineering Officer
• Senior Executive Officer
• Shutdown Electrical Operator (US Navy submarine watchstation)
• Sociedad Española de Ornitología (Spanish bird society)
• Society of Education Officers (UK)
• Software Engineering Organization
• Source Election Official
• SouthEastern Ohio
• Special Equipment Operator
• Special Equipment Option
• Special Exemption Order (UK)
• Sponsors for Educational Opportunity
• State Engineers Office
• Synchronous Equatorial Orbiter
• Systems Engineering Office/Officer
• Systems Evaluation Office
• Server Extension Objects
• Subscriber End Office

 *Someday Soon, Everything Will Be Acronyms

There’s something scary about enountering a number 999 Yahoo error message. The error looks a lot like the Google Error that has been the subject of much discussion here. The error is reported to occur when automated software programs scrape search engine results. I encountered the error when doing a Yahoo search in Internet Explorer. Others report encountering it while using other Yahoo products. I looked through Yahoo’s Search Content Quality Guidelines and didn’t find any language forbidding the use of automated rank checker software programs. I’m sure Yahoo doesn’t like it. Google doesn’t.

The full text of the Yahoo error reads:

Unable to process request at this time — error 999
Unfortunately, we are unable to process your request at this time. We apologize for the inconvenience. Please try again later.

Unfortunately we are unable to process your request at this time. This error is usually temporary. Please try again later.

If you continue to experience this error, it may be caused by one of the following:

• You may want to scan your system for spyware and viruses, as they may interfere with your ability to connect to Yahoo!. For detailed information on spyware and virus protection, please visit the Yahoo! Security Center.
• This problem may be due to unusual network activity coming from your Internet Service Provider. We recommend that you report this problem to them.

While this error is usually temporary, if it continues and the above solutions don’t resolve your problem, please let us know.

Return to Yahoo!

Please try Yahoo! Help Central if you need more assistance.

Hi, I just downloaded your Metty software from Snapfiles. Tried to use it with a Xhtml file, but it seems not to like the closing tag — it adds a double quote character to the end.

I appreciate the feedback. I probably need to publicize this more, but I made a special online version that will take care of the XHTML issues. I recommend using this version. If you want to try it, feel free to take a look here:

http://www.clickfire.com/tools/searchengine/mettyonline_meta_tag_generator.php

For everyone who doesn’t know what Wayne and I are talking about, I will catch you up. A long, long time ago in a development environment far, far away, I authored a software program that allowed users to type text into the fields to quickly generate a whole bunch of meta tags. I called it “Metty Meta Tag Maker.” Search engines used meta tags more for ranking back then, so there was lots more demand for the program.

Enter XHTML. Since XHTML rules require that non-container tags end with a closing slash and appear in lowercase, Metty had to be upgraded. The upgraded online version now outputs meta tags in compliance with XHTML rules.

If you’re a SEO or have done much search engine optimization, you probably know that today, search engines like Google still use the title tag as a very important criterion in determining rankings. The keyword meta tag is still used to a minor degree by some, but not Google. The description meta tag still appear in search engine results but as far as I know, they are not used in ranking algorithms, but are important as they serve as the call to action to generate the click throughs to your web page.